Feeling inadequate as a dog owner - you are not alone!
Feeling inadequate as a dog parent is something that affects us all from time to time. The thoughts of whether we are enough for our dogs, if we're doing things right, or if we're the right fit for our dogs can come and go. And that's okay. When these feelings start to overwhelm you, it's important to remember that they affect all of us, regardless of our experience or knowledge. Everyone goes through these emotions at times. And that's okay.
Accepting all your feelings
Whether someone else has told you that you're doing things wrong, doing too little, or doing too much with your dog, or whether you've been your own worst critic, it's healthy to let your feelings come to the surface. Let them have their place, thereafter there is room for new feelings, feelings that will take you forward. Perhaps you've been going through a period of lack of motivation? Maybe you're not up for training or providing enough stimulation? Your walks might have become too short or rather boring? Perhaps you feel guilty after getting too angry with your dog? Let your thoughts and feelings come, as all feelings are valid. Helplessness, guilt, shame, sadness, frustration, remorse, and everything in between. You can't "feel wrong". It's just as valid for you to have a period of low motivation, fluctuating moods, or lack of energy as it is for your dog to have them.
Find support and let go of emotions
However, don't let the feelings take over and lock you down for too long. Once you've acknowledged them, maybe even written them down, you may find that they gradually release their grip on you. Only then can you do something about the situation.Gather strength in the duo that is you and your dog, vent in the Petli community or with friends. Then, focus on things that give you and your dog energy, things that make you happy and boost your quality of life. No one can tell you what is right or wrong in this context, you and your dog know best.
Let go of the demands - find the joy with your dog
Release the image of what training should be, let go of the demands you put on yourself, and forget about performance and perfection. Reflect on what you WANT to do instead of what you feel you MUST or SHOULD do. Being a dog parent should be enjoyable, both for you and your dog. Focus on joy, curiosity, desire, and energy-boosting companionship and activities. It can be anything as long as it brings new life and enthusiasm to you and your dog.
Checklist: How to get out of the swamp of remorse
Allow and release your emotions
As mentioned earlier, it's good to allow yourself to feel all emotions. The important thing is to allow yourself to let them go. Acknowledge and reflect on them, but try not to dwell on them for too long. By allowing yourself to experience all emotions, you can then make room for new, more positive, and calmer feelings.
Pause demands - enjoy the present with your dog
When things become overwhelming, it's helpful to press the pause button. Let go of planned training sessions, long walks with a friend, or whatever it is that you're not up for at the moment. It's perfectly okay to take a break.Focus on what you and your dog want and have the energy for at that moment. Your dog doesn't know what you had planned for the day, so enjoy the present and do what you feel like doing today.
Share feelings and understand that others feel the same
It can be easy to let the feelings of guilt take over. During periods when you need to press the pause button, it can sometimes feel like you're the only one feeling inadequate and lacking energy. If it feels difficult to handle these emotions and thoughts on your own, it can be comforting to share them with others!
Give yourself time and find new activities
A slump can last for different lengths of time. It might pass in a day, or it may test your patience for a longer period. And that's okay. Let it take the time it needs. During periods of low energy and paused training, you might discover new activities of a different kind than you would have done otherwise, simply by letting go of everything else. Take each day as it comes and do what you want and have the energy for that day. Give it the time it needs, and be patient. Remember that you are great just as you are! Life has its ups and downs sometimes. In your dog's eyes, you are likely the most amazing biped in the whole world, and it's okay to take a break from everything once in a while.
Written by: Sandra Tellström
Sandra is a dog trainer, dog psychologist and breeder with extensive experience in dog training. She runs one of Sweden's largest dog training operations.
Reviewed by: Caroline Alupo
Caroline Alupo is Petli's co-founder. She has a master's degree in ethology and is also a trained dog trainer and dog psychologist. She has 19 years of experience as a professional dog trainer. Read more about Caroline here.
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