Modern “Leadership” in Your Dog Relationship
Dogs are like Emil in Lönneberga, you know Astrid Lindgren's lovely story? It's actually that simple when it comes to leadership in dogs. Something so important, yet so imprecise. What is it really about, how do you do it, how do you not…? Be Alfred. Simple as that!
Anton is a bit scary
Emil has a family, his pack. The Svensson family in Katthult. The Svensson pack consists of different characters. Stern father Anton who often shouts, chases, scolds, and locks up. He loves Emil and maybe that's why he does these things. It might be his way of caring; perhaps he was raised that way and had no other way of doing it himself. But it creates fears in Emil. The boy loves his father anyway. Children are often like that. Dogs too. There's a distancing from Emil's side in the relationship. He backs away, sometimes hesitates, hoists siblings up flagpoles, often voluntarily locks himself in the woodshed and contemplates things. He tries to obey his father, because otherwise… Such a master often encounters problems in interaction with his dog. Fears are created in the dog, which find canine outlets and cause trouble.
Alma is a bit wimpy
Then we have Emil's gentle mother Alma, she who quietly writes down Emil's pranks in her blue book. Perhaps a way to avoid confronting them. Alma, the gentle embrace that always understands. "Heaven help us," she often murmurs, looking concerned in a way only Pooh's Piglet can match. Alma always unconditionally defends her son when he's in trouble. As a mother should. We all need an Alma in our lives. Dogs need us to be Alma for them now and then. But it's not always Alma we stand behind when we need defending, it's not Alma we gleefully take on adventures, it's not Alma we run fastest to when she calls us. It's Alfred.
Alfred is just right
Alfred. Emil's best friend and Katthult's sturdy farmhand. A practical and upright man. Proud, honorable, genuinely engaged. Shoulders like a barn door and a smile that melts most hearts. He too defends Emil, even if it results in a bloody nose. He puts Emil's best interests first. Sometimes it means reasoning with the boy to his senses, sometimes it means sitting back to back and watching the stars, sometimes it leads to him ditching the smitten Lina to go swimming with the boy. Alfred understands Emil without always agreeing, protects without pitying. Takes fun initiatives that tickle Emil's sense of adventure, initiatives that lead to delightful memories for life. Alfred fertilizes their relationship with love. He supports and sees Emil's interests. And no matter how much the whippersnapper messes up, the farmhand helps him clean up.
You and me Alfred...
You and I, Alfred, you and I. Since Pettson drew this analogy for me, I can't stop saying just that to my dogs. We are each other's Alfred and Emil. Alfred has achieved the perfect balance as a role model and friend. A balance that generates a relationship in which Emil wants to be attentive, wants to be led and guided. He doesn't do as Alfred says for fear of… He doesn't do as he says to avoid a disappointed look… He listens because he wants to. Because it benefits him. That's exactly what we want to achieve in our relationship with our dogs. We need to take fun initiatives that increase the willingness to follow, we need to set friendly and clear, rather than harsh, boundaries when needed and always out of love. We don't just need to spend time with our dogs, we need to be present during that time. Alfred uplifts Emil as a person, sometimes he sacrifices his own needs and defies his fears for Emil's sake. There's love and goodwill in that. Main ingredients in leadership. The result is that Emil is right behind him, he wants to listen, he wants to be guided, and he wants to be close. So be Alfred for your dog!
Written by: Caroline Alupo
Caroline Alupo is Petli's co-founder. She has a master's degree in ethology and is also a trained dog trainer and dog psychologist. She has 19 years of experience as a professional dog trainer. Read more about Caroline here.
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