Helping Shy Dogs in Social Situations
Guests stroll up to your front door, chatting and laughing. Coffee is ready, the pie is freshly baked, and Pluto the dog hides under the kitchen table with a miserable expression.
He slips out through the patio door and heads to the back corner of the yard if given the chance. If he gets his way, he'll only come back in after they've left. But the kids want to pet him, and your friends love dogs. Pluto, however, despises visitors. What should you do?
Challenges with shy dogs and guests
Having an unsocial dog that shies away from outstretched hands and friendly smiles can be quite embarrassing. Visitors might misconstrue your dog's behavior as fear or impoliteness. Some may try to help by intruding on your dog's space. This can result in growling, and even a nip; needless to say, it creates a chaotic situation.
Why some dogs are shy
Let's look into the reasons behind a dog's need of distance. Usually, a dog that lacks social interest isn't a problem for the dog parent nor the dog (unless the dog is scared, and not just shy). However, the shyness becomes an issue if the dog isn't left alone by the visitors.
People often want to help, approach slowly, and coax. Some dogs have had negative experiences that caused their insecurity. They need time and space, filled with respect and pleasant interactions not involving touch. Kind words and gentle gazes. Socialization without demands for physical touch, hugs, kisses or lifting.
Signs to inform visitors and guests about the needs of dogs
Conditions that shy dogs thrive in might require you to be firm with your surroundings. Explain that your dog doesn't want to greet in their way and let them know how she/he prefers to be treated.
Tell people not to lean over, crouch down, stare at your shy dog, or try to stroke. Inform them that outstretched hands can feel threatening and grabbing or holding is forbidden.
Inform visitors that your dog appreciates when they turn away, look down, and back off him/her shows signs of worry. They can engage in calm conversation and move calmly rather than standing and staring at the dog.
Polite ways to deal with shy dogs
Ask your friends to respond to your dog's sidelong glances, turned head, exposed belly, or crouched posture by stepping back. Leave it at that, don't try to change anything then and there. Enjoy the visit, drink your coffee, that was the point.
Later on, the guest can toss a treat in your dog's direction without focusing on her/him and without getting closer and closer.
The goal isn't to lure a hesitant dog close, but to create positive associations with the visit. The guest can place a chew bone in the dog's bed and move away. To point is a gift not a bribe. Bribes are disliked by unsocial dogs, but unconditional gifts can gradually change feelings over time.
Engage without overwhelming the dog
You can also engage your dog in something she/he likes. Your guest can toss treats into the yard and say, "Find it!" You can ask your dog for tricks she/he knows and loves to perform, and the guest can reward with extra special treats.
Your friend can hide a favorite toy and have your dog search for it, without being overbearing. The guest can take the leash off the hook and say, "Shall we go for a walk?" even if you're the one attaching the leash and holding onto your dog during the walk.
Building confidence in shy dogs
Good experiences build trust and confidence over time. The agreement of "see but don't touch" must not be broken, or trust will crumble. During the interaction with visitors, keep an eye out for signs of stress:
- Frequent yawning
- Panting
- Excessive scratching
- Restlessness
- Darting eyes
- Avoiding guests
- Growling
- Exposing the belly
- Trembling
- Unusually still
If your dog shows signs of stress, she/he needs an exit, a chance to step aside. Calmly guide your dog to a safe place to rest. If your dog chooses a "safe zone" in the middle of the room, guide her/him to a bed a little further away. Sometimes a secluded room is best, especially if lively and curious children are visiting.
Shyness or guarding instinct in dogs
A shy dog benefits from practicing the opposite of being shy, in contexts other than social ones. It's called emotional groundwork and is a foundation that facilitates socialization. Timid dogs gain strength by facing their fears in moderation, finding courage, and being rewarded for steady steps and a confident look. If this feeling is reinforced in general, it will be easier in social situations too.
There are activities that can boost your dog's confidence and enhance her/him self-esteem, such as scent tracking, dog parkour, playing tug-of-war, engaging in search exercises, environmental training, practicing walking on unusual surfaces, or climbing high places like a hill or an A-frame obstacle. Give them a try and make your dog feel like a superhero!
Let guests give gifts to your dog
Before guarding or shyness escalates, request that people bring a gift (or prepare one and leave it on the porch) for the dog. The "customs fee" grants entry, and the dog's skeptical question, "What do you want??" is answered. Nothing communicates "I come in peace" quite like a wrapped bone.
Signs to inform visitors
It's also good to put a sign on your door, so people get the dog interaction right, right away.
"My dog is shy, let her/him be until she/he is ready to greet. Don't pet, don't stare, don't lean over. Thanks for your consideration!"
Your own anxiety affects the dog
If perhaps you yourself dread guests and would rather close the curtains than open the door when the doorbell rings, you might be the cause of your dog's skepticism. If you signal "No, not again..." when people say hi, your furry friend has reason to adopt the same attitude.
If you suffer from social phobia, it's important for your sake to seek help. Avoid shifting focus from yourself to the dog when visitors come. It's understandable if it's easier to interact with the dog in the spotlight, taking the attention off of you, but it's only okay if it's okay for the dog.
Respect the dog's privacy during visits
Another reason dogs find visits bothersome is if you, as the dog parent, change before and during the visit.
Suppose you change your tone of voice, body language, dress differently, smell strange (perfume), stress about coffee, race around with a roaring vacuum, and then stand in the doorway with a plastered smile, shouting "Hello!" in a tone bats appreciate.
A sensitive dog's face may creases in deep displeasure before the visit even leaves its own driveway. Be yourself—for your dog's sake if nothing else.
Dogs need to feel that their privacy is respected. It is the responsibility of males and females to make sure this happens. We owe it to our four-legged friends.
Written by: Caroline Alupo
Caroline Alupo is Petli's co-founder. She has a master's degree in ethology and is also a trained dog trainer and dog psychologist. She has 19 years of experience as a professional dog trainer. Read more about Caroline here.
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