Boundaries Dogs Understand
Is your dog running wild, causing chaos by snatching gloves, knocking over lamps, and leaving muddy pawprints on the door? It's certainly not the ideal situation. But how can you effectively set boundaries with your furry friend in a kind and efficient way?
Creating a harmonious dog with positive reinforcement
Most dog parents have come to understand that positive reinforcement is the way to go when training a dog. We now know that preserving our dogs' self-esteem is crucial for nurturing harmonious relationships with them. After all, harmonious dogs are predictable and easygoing.
Avoid letting frustration affect your training
But let's face it, it's only human to find ourselves in a tough situation with a dog and feel the urge to yell. However, our frustration often gets the better of us. Maybe life, in general, is causing stress, and we become frustrated because we're unsure how to handle our dog. Perhaps our heart rate spikes because we think someone is watching us, someone who believes we can't handle our dog... Sometimes, that frustration ends up being directed at our furry friend. Some people may refer to these actions born out of frustration as setting boundaries. But that is not entirely true. They often happen unnecessarily, and in some cases, they can be directly harmful. However, there are times when it becomes necessary to establish a boundary, for both your and your dog's sake. And it can be done in a way that is easy to understand, without any threats, harsh handling, or feelings of shame.
Creating boundaries through mutual communication
True boundary setting means creating reasonable guidelines that inform others about how they should behave in order for you to feel safe. It's a natural part of any healthy relationship, a two-way communication that revolves around integrity and care.You have the right to assert yourself, and your dog has the right to do the same. A dog can growl over her/his bone, and you should back off. A puppy can withdraw their paw during nail clipping in need of a break. And you can say "Ouch!" when teeth get too rough during play, and your dog can to let go if you are in pain.
Respect and understand your dog's boundaries
For you and your dog to have the same understanding of boundaries, you need to know where they lie and what happens on the other side. It's all about social learning and relationships. The goal is for both of you to care about each other's boundaries and integrity, not out of fear of consequences.There's also boundary setting in terms of guiding the dog on how to behave around others, much like how we may need to teach our children the same. As a responsible dog parent, it's our duty to encourage our dog to recognize and respect others' boundaries.
Methods for setting clear boundaries
So, how do you say "stop it" to a dog in a way that is easy to grasp for a canine? How do you set a boundary in a kind way? Well, it depends on the situation and the dog. That's why we'll start by figuring out when it's even necessary to do so.Interacting with your dog should primarily involve training, understanding their language and basic needs, and consistent behavior from your side. Analyze the situations with your dog when you feel the need to put your foot down. If the dog has gotten out of control and you're feeling stressed, it's wise to wait. Take a deep breath, count to eight, and center yourself.Non-breaking spaceUsually, things calm down when you've calmed down. When you're on the other side of your stress, you can act rationally. When your message isn't overshadowed by overreactions, it becomes understandable for your dog. If you're not intimidating, the dog will dare to try to understand.
1. Timing for effective boundary setting
When your dog resembles a Tasmanian devil, it's not the time for deep contemplation. Whatever you say or do won't get through. However, it doesn't mean you should passively stand by if your dog behaves inappropriately towards you or others. Your dog, your responsibility. In these situations, it's wise to close the gate, leash the dog, gently stroke her/his chest, and help her/him calm down. This is a way of setting a loving boundary.Helping the dog make the right decision through guidance and rewarding desirable behavior is a wise preventive measure that reduces the need for boundary setting. When we guide dogs in the small matters, nobody loses their cool in the big matters. So, instead of fixating on the present moment, we can focus on what the dog needs to develop to act nicely in the future.
2. prevent unwanted behavior by understanding the causes
Met Fido. He's a two-year-old hunting Golden Retriever. He's home alone for long hours, and the exercise he gets would suit a Pug. He's not doing well. If you scold him for the symptoms of his distress, Fido's stress cup will overflow. What Fido needs is companionship, exercise, and mental stimulation. Before that, he won't be receptive to leaving gloves and lamps alone. We don't always need to discipline. Instead, we can make it impossible for him to engage in the behavior we feel the need to correct. That's setting a loving boundary. The long-term solution lies in providing Fido with better living conditions. Fido also snatches rubish and food found in the stress. We need to curious to why he does it before correcting his treasure hunt. Is he getting the right food? The right amount? Has he been taught Leave it and passing tempting food? The solution lies in nutrition and training. We can't expect dogs to ignore edible things; it's in their nature to search for food. Before training, we should yanking the leash in frustration, rather hold on to it preventing Fido from scavenging. That can be a loving boundary. If he then pays attention to us, we can reward him with a treat, it was food he was after, so lets use that motivation in our favour. Fido also jumps on the door, leaving muddy paw prints everywhere. We could yell at him. Perhaps jumping decreases out of fear of us... Or we can use Fido's need for mental stimulation and food motivation. He can get a treat for sitting calmly when he approaches the front door. Soon enough, he'll sit like a statue by the gate, waiting for a treat. Then, we can vary and gradually decrease the rewards. The intention isn't to feed him through life but to teach him how to behave. Clear instructions and positive reinforcement when he does things right. That's setting a loving boundary.
3. learn an effective "stop signal"
Most things can be prevented, but it's wise to teach your dog a "stop" signal that you can use in unforeseen situations. Dogs don't automatically understand our words; we have to teach them the meaning of them.
Here's how you do it:
Use a word you like; "stop," "no," "halt," "oops," or "whoa." It should come to mean that the dog should cease what she/he is doing and look to you for direction. Set up a training scenario where your dog, for example, licks cream cheese on a plate. When she/he has finished and turn away from the plate, say a pleasant but clear "stop." Your dog will raise her/his gaze and now receives a flight attendant-style hand signal that shows her/him to follow you.Once you dogs comes to you, reward with something equally desirable (like more cream cheese), preferably something better. Over time, we say "stop" just before the dog finishes with the plate. If the reward is enticing, the dog will interrupt the licking of the plate. When this has been trained in various contexts and against different temptations, the dog can interrupt their actions on cue. Only then does the dog understand what the concept means and can listen and act accordingly.
Set loving boundaries instead of dominance
Some people oppose the concept of setting boundaries, likely because they associate it with authoritarian dog handling that relies on dominance. The theory of a "top dog" setting boundaries through dominance has long been debunked. Today, it's clear that all dogs in a pack set boundaries for themselves in a composed manner. We can do the same and set loving boundaries that carry seriousness without being demeaning. Our actions can calmly and objectively explain what's important. For further reading on dog behavior and how to understand their emotional lives, check out Dogs' emotional lives - not unlike ours. Want to learn more about how dogs communicate? Read Dog language - learn how to interpret and speak dog language.
Written by: Caroline Alupo
Caroline Alupo is Petli's co-founder. She has a master's degree in ethology and is also a trained dog trainer and dog psychologist. She has 19 years of experience as a professional dog trainer. Read more about Caroline here.
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